TITLE: The Brink of Madness
AUTHOR: Femvamp
EMAIL: Femvamp0@aol.com
DISTRIBUTION: Ask and you shall get
SPOILERS: All of Angel.
FEEDBACK: Please....don't make me beg.
SUMMARY: Kate is on the brink of madness and only Cordelia can save her.
DISCLAIMER: Angel doesn't belong to me. Joss God of WB owns it.


The Brink of Madness

Kate Lockley sat at her desk with her head in her hands.

Dad is dead. Dad is dead and its all Angel's fault. 

Damn him! Damn them all! 

Why can't things go back to the way they were. Before. Before I found out. 

I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them.

"Detective Lockley?"

Kate looked up and saw Kendrick standing by her desk. This was the guy who called her Scully.

Idiot. If anything I'm Mulder. Damn them for making me Mulder! 

"Is everything alright?" He asked worried.

"I'm fine." Kate lied.

"Umn yeah." He paused, "I'm sorry about your father. He was a good cop."

Kate didn't say anything. She just looked at him with blank eyes. After a few moments he walked away shaking his head. She was loosing it big time. Everyone knew it. Ever since she had begun taking the *weird* cases she had drifted from the fold. She was an outsider now. Everyone knew it.

Kate watched Kendrick walk away and then attempted to work on the case she had been given. It was another of the *weird* cases. Ever since she had met Angel she had been given all the cases no one else could solve. At first solving the cases had put her on the fast track to her own command but lately.....

Damn him! Damn them all!

Kate hated the Angel Detective Agency. She hated them with a passion.

I'm going to make them pay.

Suddenly Kate felt alot better. She looked at the contents of the folder and smiled.


"How's Detective Lockley doing?" Wesley asked Angel.

"Not good Wes." Angel went to the refrigerator and took out a packet of blood, "She's not taking her father's death very well."

"She's doing a major Faith." Cordelia said in her usual tactlessness.

Angel and Wesley just glared at her.

"Well she is." Cordelia sulked.

"I hate to say this, but Cordelia's right." Wesley said sadly.

Angel just paused for a moment and took a swig of the blood, "I know."

"What are we going to do about it?"

"Why should we do anything?" Cordelia asked.

Wesley turned to Cordelia, "Because it's our fault. Before we came to town, Detective Lockley had a relatively normal life. We shot it all to bloody hell."

Cordelia didn't think of that. It really didn't surprise her but it saddened her. Cordelia knew how Detective Lockley felt.

Was that just empathy. Wow! New experience.

"Maybe I should talk to her." Cordelia said before she knew what she was saying.

Angel and Wesley looked at her astonished.

"What?" Cordelia asked hurt, "I think I'm the perfect person to talk to her. You Angel you're a vampire. Have been for what is it two hundred years. And you Wesley, your a watcher. Not a very good one, but your a watcher all the same."

"What's your point, Cordelia?"

"My point is, neither of you know how it feels to suddenly be hit over the head with the truth. I do." Cordelia paused, "I'm not particularly in any hurry to talk bump in the night with lady cop but I'm the only one who can."

Wesley paused and looked at Angel, "She's right you know."

"I know."


Cordelia walked to Kate's apartment door and then paused. She had everything she was going to say in her head but now it all sounded stupid. She had no clue how to talk to Kate. Being kind and supportive was new to her.

Oh well, there's a first time for everything.

Cordelia knocked on the door and waited.

"Go away!"

"It's Cordelia."

"Go away!"

Oh great. Now what?"

"We need to talk."

Cordelia heard footsteps so she waited. When the door opened Cordelia was shocked and nothing had shocked Cordelia Chase in a long time. Kate was a mess. Her hair was tattered and her clothes were worse. The apartment was dark.

"What do you want?" Kate asked angrily.

"Can I come in?"

Kate opened the door and let Cordelia in. Cordelia paused only a moment before she crossed the threshold.

"What do you want?" Kate asked again.

"I wanted to talk." Cordelia said trying to adjust her eyes to the dark. "Can you turn on a light or something?"

Kate paused for a moment and then turned on a light.

"About what?"

"Angel."

"We have nothing to talk about."

"Yes we do." Cordelia paused, "I know about your father."

"Don't you EVER mention him again." Kate yelled angrily, "You don't understand."

"I think I'm the only one who does understand." Cordelia shouted, "You have NO idea who I was before I found out about vampires and the other things. I was Queen C. I ruled Sunnydale High. I was Sunnydale High School. I had a rich family. I was popular. I was Cordelia Chase. I had the world at my fingertips. Then I found out about vampires and I lost it all. Suddenly I was dating Xander 'King of the Cretins' Harris, I lost all my friends. The money was gone. My God Detective. You think no one understands. Well I do understand. So snap out of it. Your father's dead, and there's not a God Damn thing you can do about it. You can either accept what you know is the truth or go insane."

Cordelia stopped yelling and saw Kate look at her with angry eyes. She only paused a moment before she opened the door and left. She didn't see Kate fall to the floor and begin to cry.

I hate them. I hate them. I hate them.


The next evening Cordelia found herself back at Detective Lockley's door. She really wasn't sure why she was there or why she even cared about the Detective but she did. That worried her a little. Cordelia Chase didn't care about anyone but herself.

Cordelia knocked at the door fully expecting a confrontation.

Kate opened the door, "What do you want?"

"I'm taking you out for a walk."

"What?"

"We're going out so get dressed."

Kate laughed under her breath but said nothing.

This girl has guts. I'll give her that.

I hate them. I hate them. I hate them.

Kate walked to her bedroom and got dressed. She didn't know why she was listening to Cordelia but there was something about the girl. After a few minutes she was ready to go.

"Where are we going?"

"Out." Cordelia paused, "Now follow me."

Cordelia and Kate walked through the city until they came to one of the city's graveyards. Kate paused for a moment as Cordelia walked in.

Where is she taking me?

I hate them. I hate them. I hate them.

"Come on Detective. You aren't scared of a graveyard are you?"

Kate followed Cordelia through the graveyard. After a few minutes Cordelia stopped walking. Kate looked at the tombstone. The marker said the young man had died the night before.

"He's going to rise tonight." Cordelia paused, "You're going to kill him."

"What?" Kate asked horrified.

Cordelia handed Kate a stake and then took on out for herself. "Consider it a cheap form of therapy."

Cordelia stepped back far enough so that she wouldn't be noticed when the vampire arose. Cordelia had every intention of getting involved if Kate had any trouble. The morning before Cordelia had hacked into the local morgue to see if anyone had died of "puncture wounds and loss of blood." Willow's computer lessons had finally paid off.

After a few minutes of waiting Cordelia heard a sound but she remained quiet. This was Kate's fight.

Suddenly a vampire clawed his way to the surface. Cordelia watched, as Kate looked on horrified. She didn't move. She didn't react. She just stood there, watching. When the vampire was out of the grave he looked at Kate and smiled a wicked grin and then attacked.

Kate tried to fight him off but she had no luck. Cordelia looked on worried. If things got any farther, Cordelia knew she would have to get involve and that would just make things worse. This plan had been a long shot and if it failed....

Finally Kate connected with a blow and the vampire stumbled back a bit. Kate was still on the ground but Cordelia saw that she had picked up the stake.

Good Detective.

Cordelia watched as Kate kicked the vampire in his most private of areas and smiled.

Oooh that had to hurt.

Cordelia watched as Kate then kicked the vampire in the stomach and watched as he went down to the ground.

Stake him.

Cordelia watched as Kate held the stake high in the air and then bring it down right to where the vampires cold dead heart was. Cordelia watched as the vampire turned to dust.

Cordelia then watched as Kate looked horrified at the dust that had once been a vampire laid on the grass. Cordelia watched as Kate began to cry.

Cordelia had never been one for sympathy but this was different. This was Detective Lockley. Cordelia didn't know why she cared so much but she did. She walked to the Detective and put her hand on her shoulder.

"Why?"

"Why what, Detective."

"Why do there have to be vampires."

"Because there are." Cordelia said simply.

"Why did they have to kill my father?" Kate asked almost childlike

"Because they did."

"I hate them." Kate continued to cry, "They destroyed my life."

"I know."

"Why can't things just go back to the way they were?"

"Because they can't."

Kate looked up at Cordelia, still crying, and Cordelia did something she had never done in her entire life. She crouched down and pulled Kate into her arms and they stayed like that until Kate had finished crying. They stayed like that for a long long time.


The next morning Kate walked into the police station feeling better. She noticed the stares but she didn't care. Something had changed inside of there when she staked that vampire. The anger and the hate had left her. She sat at her desk and pulled out a file. There had been a little girl who had disappeared under mysterious circumstances. It looked like a nice normal case, but Kate knew better. This had "otherworldly" written all over it.

"Well if it isn't Spooky Mulder." Kendrick said arrogantly.

"Yes I'm back." Kate smiled, "And thank you for calling me by my correct name. I mean calling me Scully. Could you be more dense."

As Kendrick walked away annoyed, Kate smiled. She did feel better.

I'll have to thank Cordelia.


The Brink of Understanding

Cordelia Chase was sitting at a table in a restaurant alone. She hated to be alone but when you worked for a guy who didn't eat, much less go out in the daytime you didn't have much of a choice in the matter. There was always Wesley, but he was busy doing something or other. Besides Cordelia didn't want to eat and talk about demons and things and that's what all the conversations turned to when Wesley was around.

"So he spent the night?" Cordelia heard a man at the next table speak.

"Yes. " a woman responded.

Cordelia recognized the voice as Detective Kate Lockley. Cordelia smiled. Kate had a guy stay over. Maybe she was getting better. Cordelia remembered how bad Kate had been in the last few days. The death of her father had really hit her hard. She had almost lost it completely. Cordelia was proud of herself and the part she had played in helping the dynamic if somewhat cold Detective.

"I can't believe you spent the night with that broody source of yours."

Broody?

Cordelia's heart skipped a beat.

"What was his name, Angle?' The man continued.

"Angel." The woman answered.

Oh my God. Oh my God. This is bad. This is way bad. This is end of the world, Armageddon, bad. Angelus bad.

Cordelia was panicking big time. She grabbed her cell phone and called the office. There was no answer.

Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.

Could Angelus be back?

No it can't be. Angel's not that stupid. But he's a guy. A dead guy, but a guy. And the Detective is kinda cute in a Cagney and Lacey, you make one false move and I'll shoot you, sort of way. Then again, that IS Angel's type.

"Cordelia."

Cordelia looked up and saw Detective Lockely standing in front of her. Yes she was good looking. And her eyes.

No this isn't the time to think about that.

"Detective did you have sex with Angel last night." Cordelia said bluntly.

Cordelia watched at the Kate's face turned white.

She has. Damn. This is I have to tell her.

"Because if you did. You are in real, and I mean real trouble. "

"What do you mean?" Kate asked worried.

"Angel can't have sex." Cordelia stammered in what she recognized as Willow mode, "I mean he can have sex, he has all the parts, but.... but he can't have sex.... not without becoming evil and bad....and evil."

Kate sat down across from Cordelia as she continued to babble, "My God.... You don't know what you've done. It's not your fault you had no way of knowing, but.... My God I have to call Buffy."

Cordelia grabbed her cell-phone again and was ready to press the speed dial for Giles' flat when Kate grabbed her arm.

"I didn't sleep with Angel." Kate smiled re-assuringly. "He was injured and I didn't know what to do so I put him in my bed and I slept on the couch. "

Thank God.

"Thank God."

"So, why can't Angel have sex?" Kate asked.

Cordelia frowned, "It's the escape clause for him having a soul. If he has one moment of true happiness, true peace. He will lose his soul and become Angelus again." Cordelia paused, "You don't want to meet Angelus, trust me on that."

"Bad, huh?"

"Bad doesn't begin to tell it." Cordelia paused trying to find the right words, "For every good there is in Angel there is twice as much bad in Angelus. Everything Angel does is because of Angelus. Because of what he did, as Angelus."

Kate frowned, "I didn't know."

"You can't have sex with Angel." Cordelia was back in Willow mode, "I know he is sexy and all that..... I mean even I had a thing for him at one point, but he can't find happiness, not now. Not anymore. If he does..... I know you love him. Anyone could. Trust me. People have tried. Just don't....."

"Cordelia." Kate smiled, "I'm not in love with Angel."

Cordelia looked at Kate blankly. "You're not."

Kate laughed, "Don't sound so surprised. Not everyone goes for the brooding hero. I prefer a little more down to earth. Plus I like.....people with heartbeats."

"Oh."

Kate smiled at Cordelia. Cordelia noticed for the first time that her hand was in the detective's. It felt comfortable there. She didn't want the Detective to let go. The Detective definitely was beautiful and that smiled.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable." Kate removed her hand.

Cordelia smiled, "Were you just hitting on me?"

Kate's face turned an odd shade of gray, "No...I mean... No."

Cordelia smiled wickedly. "Too bad. I might have said yes."

With that Cordelia got up and walked out of the restaurant leaving a very confused Detective behind her.

What the Hell?


Cordelia Chase was sitting at her desk thinking about Detective Kate Lockley. Angel and Wesley were discussing the latest big bad to come to Los Angeles. Cordelia was only half-listening. Then again, Cordelia usually only half listened so nothing was new there.

Detective Lockley was a beautiful woman, Cordelia had to admit. But what scared Cordelia was that she was a woman. Cordelia liked men. She had always liked men.

Actually Cordy you like dorks.

Cordelia smiled. She had to admit her choices of men were weird to say the least. First there was Xander "King of Cretins, Zeppo extrodinare" Harris. Then she had that brief and ultimately icky crush on Wesley, and finally the almost, relationship with Doyle. All dorks.

Maybe its time I try women.

Cordelia was wondering where that thought came from when none other then Kate Lockley walked into the office. Cordelia couldn�t help but stare at the woman.

Did I actually say, �I�d of said yes.�

Would I have said yes?

"What can we do for you today, Detective"

Cordelia was shaken out of her thoughts when Angel spoke to the Detective. Cordelia watched the Detective trying really hard to look bored.

"Actually I have a case you might be interested in."

Kate handed Angel a folder. Angel looked through the folder. Cordelia noticed that Wesley had the look of a kid who was about to be taken to the park. He was happy.

God we are weird. We are all looking forward to this.

Cordelia couldn't help but admit that anything was better then sitting around doing nothing. Even facing some demon. Cordelia smiled.

Maybe I�ll get to see Detective Lockley more often.

"So what do you think?" Detective Lockley asked Angel.

"From the information in the folder in looks like a Feral demon."

"A what?" Detective Lockley asked.

She�s still not used to all this demon stuff. Its kinda cute in a way.

"Nasty sort of demon. Mean." Wesley said simply.

"And ugly." Cordelia added.

The group stared at Cordelia for a moment.

"Well they are." Cordelia said realizing that it wasn�t that she was wrong about Feral demons being ugly but that she actually knew what they were, "And yes I have seen one."

When the others simply nodded and went back to work, Cordelia shrugged and picked up a magazine and began to read it. She didn�t notice when Angel and Wesley went down to Angel�s bedroom to pick up supplies leaving Cordelia and Detective Lockley alone.

"Cordelia?"

"What?" Cordelia looked up, "Oh hi, Detective."

The Detective smiled, "You know, you can call me Kate."

Cordelia smiled, "What�s up, Kate?"

Cordelia noticed that Kate suddenly got nervous which made Cordelia nervous.

"I was just wondering if you would like to have dinner with me tonight?"

"Sure. I�d like that." Cordelia smiled.

Kate was about to say something else when Angel and Wesley came back into the office. The conversation went back to the Feral demon and Cordelia went back to reading her magazine.


Cordelia stood in front of a mirror and admired herself. She had changed her outfit four times before she found this one in the back of her closet.

I wish I still had that walk-in closet I had at home.

It had been a long time since Cordelia had gone out on a serious date. Actually most dates she had gone out with on were anything but serious. They were just guys to pass the time with. Guys who would drool all over her and then expect something she had no intention of giving them.

Then you had to date Xander.

Cordelia shuddered at the memory. Not that she minded dating Xander. She actually liked the guy. She still liked the guy. Cordelia had forgiven him his little transgression a long time ago. She was shuddering at what happened after she had caught him and Willow kissing. Sometimes she still woke up screaming when she dreamt of the night she got a little two friendly with a metal pole.

Stop thinking of Xander, you're going on a date with Kate.

Cordelia still couldn't believe she was going on a date with a woman., and that she was so nervous about it. Cordelia never got nervous. She wasn't the getting nervous kind. She just did what she had to do and moved on.

This is different.

It was different. Not just because Kate was a woman, but because Kate was the first person she cared about since Doyle died.

Another bad thought.

Cordelia had loved Doyle. She really had, he was just in the wrong place in the wrong time in the scheme of Cordelia's life. Him dying had made Cordelia realize how much she truly cared about the half-demon.

No more thinking about what might have been, Cordelia. Time to think about what is. And what is, is that you are about to go on a date with Kate Lockley.

A few minutes later there was a knock on Cordelia's door. She ran out of the room and toward the door. Almost as a second thought she turned around.

"Denis, be good. Detective Lockely doesn't know about you yet."

Cordelia heard a knock which was Denis' s sign that he understood. Cordelia smiled at the empty room and then turned to open the door.


The date was going great. Cordelia couldn't believe how much fun she was having. And the fact that Kate looked great made things even more fun.

Hell great nothing. She looks sexy.

The dress it brings out her eyes. Those beautiful eyes.

Kate and Cordelia spent the whole night talking. They talked about everything. It was the first time in a long time that Cordelia could talk openly about her life. Kate understood how Cordelia felt. Even with Angel and Wesley there was some holding back. She couldn't tell them that sometimes she was uncomfortable with the whole situation. She loved them. They were her family but sometimes she wished she led a normal life.

"So that's when you moved to Los Angeles." Kate smiled at Cordelia.

"Yeah. I guess I wanted a new start, somewhere non-Hellmouth."

"I still can't get over this Hellmouth thing."

Cordelia shrugged, "Its kinda like living in a heavy gang area. You learn to deal."

"Yeah but you fought it."

"I didn't have much of a choice." Cordelia frowned, "Once I found out what really was happening I had to do something. "

"No, you didn't." Kate took Cordelia's hand, "You could have turned a blind eye, or denied the truth. You didn't HAVE to do anything, but you did."

Cordelia smiled as she looked into Kate's eyes. They sparkled in the candlelight. Cordelia felt her heart skip a beat. The words Kate had said meant a lot to her. They meant everything.

Cordelia and Kate continued to talk all the way through dinner. When it was over Kate insisted that she walk Cordelia back to her apartment.

"Do you want to come in?" Cordelia asked as they approached the door.

"Maybe another time. I have to get back to work." Kate said sadly.

"Oh ok."

Kate smiled, "I had a great time Cordy. The best time I've had in a long time."

"Me too." Cordelia smiled.

Cordelia was about to turn around and open the door when she felt Kate's lips on hers. Cordelia's first instinct was panic but that was quickly changed to something she couldn't identify. Then all thoughts stopped. For a brief moment there was nothing wrong with the world.

Kate pulled away and both women stared at each other for a moment. Neither of them spoke for what seemed like an eternity. Finally Kate smiled.

"I'll see you tomorrow Cordelia Chase of Sunnydale"

Cordelia smiled back, "Tomorrow Detective Lockley."

With that Kate turned around and walked away. Neither of them knew it, as Kate left both women where thinking the same thing.

I could fall in love with you.


The Brink of Love

Cordelia Chase realized almost immediately that something was wrong. Even with her eyes closed she knew she wasn't in her own bed. She was somewhere other.

Open your eyes and find out where you are.

Don't wanna.

Cordelia.

Hey what's that?

Cordelia felt an arm around her stomach. It was a warm arm.

That leaves out Angel.

Am I naked?

Cordelia opened her eyes and saw Kate Lockley lying down beside her. That's when the night before came back to her.

So it wasn't a dream.

Cordelia smiled. The night before had been what dreams were made of. It started like any other night. Kate and Cordelia had gone out for dinner and then Kate walked Cordelia back to her apartment. Cordelia asked Kate in for a nightcap, and this time. For the first time. Kate said yes.

Cordelia had introduced Kate to Dennis that night.

She actually took it rather well. I wonder if I should be worried.

Then there was a little bit of trouble. Angel called needing Cordelia at the office. Kate went with her. It was just a minor inconvenient. Wolfram and Hart were at it again. Just a strategy session. Nothing more. Cordelia and Kate eventually made their excuses and left around midnight. They ended up at Kate's apartment.

Then one thing turned into another and well....

Cordelia smiled at the memory of making love to Kate. The memory of Kate's lips on hers. Kate's body on her own. Cordelia had never felt like that in her entire life. She felt at complete peace. She felt.......

"Good morning, Cordelia." Kate smiled.

Cordelia smiled at Kate, "Good morning, Detective."

Kate laughed, "You still insist on calling me Detective, huh?"

Cordelia kissed Kate, "You got a problem with that?"

"Nah."

"Good."

Cordelia and Kate kissed again. This time passionately. This time longing for more. Cordelia moved her hands from Kate's stomach where they had somehow found their way to up to her breasts.

Then the phone rang.

"Damn. This better be good." Kate grumbled and picked up the phone, "Lockley."

Cordelia listened as Kate talked on the phone. She knew almost immediately that it was Angel. He had an uncanny ability to call at the worst possible moment. This was his all time best. If Cordelia didn't love him so, she would have been tempted to stake him.

"We'll be right there."

Kate turned around and smiled awkwardly at Cordelia for a moment, "Angel wants us at the agency."

"What's it this time." Cordelia said already getting out of bed.

"Something about a ..... a demon of some sort."

"I just hope I don't break another nail. You know how expensive these things are?"

Kate and Cordelia left Kate's apartment a short time later. They decided it was too nice a day to drive to the Detective Agency. Although no one walked anywhere in LA the women decided to do it anyway.

"Give me your money!"

Cordelia turned around with a start and saw a man standing behind her with a gun. Everything after that was a blur. One moment they were talking about having dinner and the next, Cordelia felt her stomach hurt. She felt herself falling to the ground. The only thing clear in her head was Kate's scream.

"Cordelia, no!"


The Brink of Forever

Kate sat next to Cordelia's hospital bed and brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. Cordelia liked to look perfect and Kate was going to make sure she did. Cordelia had been asleep for hours now. The bullet in her chest had been removed with no complications. The doctors told Kate that Cordelia would be fine.

Kate brushed the forming tears from her eyes. Kate had always been afraid that she would lose Cordelia to a demon, not to a human. The nights that they were apart, Kate was a nervous wreck. Some of her friends at the station had often made jokes about how uptight she was. They kept telling her she needed to get laid. Kate just smiled and walked away. They had no idea about Cordelia.

Now they did. Detective Kendrick of all people was the first to arrive at the scene. Kate tried to be professional but she loved Cordelia so much. She had never said it, neither of them did, but at that moment, Kate knew, Cordelia was the one. Cordelia was the person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.

Detective Kendrick had caught on. He even snickered and made a comment about 'her girlfriend.' Kate knew she hadn't taken it very well. Maybe decking him wasn't the smartest thing she had ever done, but it felt so good to do it.

She knew that her career as a police officer was probably over. Once the news got out, she would be frozen out. Then again, she had already been frozen out anyway. Kate wasn't a stupid woman, actually she was very intelligent one. She knew that ever since she had taken on all the strange cases she had become an outsider. Maybe that's why she fit in so well with the Angel Detective Agency. In one way or another they were all outsiders.

Kate brushed her hand against Cordelia face and whispered, "I love you Cordy."


Angel stood outside the door of Cordelia's hospital room. He knew he was intruding but he couldn't bring himself to leave. Kate and Cordelia looked so beautiful together. It was almost enough to make his heart beat again. Angel smiled when he heard Kate tell the sleeping Cordelia that she loved her.

It wasn't forever, but it was a start.

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