Keeping Secrets by Miss Liz

Disclaimers: I love the show NYPD Blue. They own Jill Kirkendall, Diane Russell, Andy Sipowitz, Bobby Simone, and of course John.
The McCombs belong to me.
Pairing: Jill has feelings for Diane
Rating: No sex (keep reading anyway)
I've taken some liberties. This piece of writing is set after Bobby's death and before Jill's departure. I think Jill and Diane would have made a cute couple. Hopefully, NYPD will add some more queer characters to the show.
Off the record: They should get Queen Latifah to join the cast.
Be gentle - this is my first foray into fan fiction. Email me at: Lexi563@aol.com with comments or suggestions.

Keeping Secrets

by Miss Liz

The boys are sleeping over at the McCombs for the weekend. I've known Debbie and David for a couple of years. David works full time as a real estate agent and spends his off time volunteering at the local fire department. Debbie is substitute teaching until she finishes her masters in Public Relations. They make such a cute couple. You can tell they really love other. They both want a big family. Things were a little rough though after Debbie's second miscarriage. They kind of fell apart. Right now, they are on a waiting list to adopt a newborn. I really want things to work out for them.

They are both good people and I'm sure the boys will be fine. I packed extra sweaters just in cases it gets cold at night. Debbie knows about the stress I've been under for the last couple of months. They told me not to argue - that taking the boys for the weekend was the least they could do. They demanded that I relax and have some fun for the next couple of days. I love them for being so great.

******

I got hurt taking down a perp today. It was a routine bust. I didn't say anything but I've been in pain all day. Andy asked me if I was okay. Other than that, no one said anything about it - not even Diane.

We were the last ones to file out. I went to go change and Diane told me to wait for her. She said she needed to talk to me about something. The last thing I felt like discussing was the case.

"Jill?" I didn't even hear her come in. Her hand squeezed my right shoulder.

"Hi."

"How are you doing?"

"Okay."

"It happens to everyone. It's okay."

I don't want to face her. I'm embarrassed - it was an easy take down. I got distracted and I got hurt.

"I know you got hurt today. The perp got you in the shoulder. But you held your own and took him down."

"It was an easy take down."

"Jill, it's okay."

"I let him get to me. I lost my focus."

"Jill, you took him down. You got your focus back. You did your job and he's off the street. That's what matters. You're a good officer, stop beating yourself up over it."

"I'll try."

"Can I see your shoulder? We are the only ones here."

I nod, "okay." I struggle to lift my shirt.

"Jill, we are friends. Consider this official police duty. Tell me if this hurts." Grabbing the edge of my shirt she edged the shirt over my body.

"I'm just gonna take it off." She helps lift the shirt over my head.

Looking at my shoulder, "Jill, you should have told me. Oh my gosh, no wonder you are in so much pain."

I look down. My shoulder is black and blue. It looks bad - really bad.

"He got me pretty good."

"Next time - promise me you will tell me if you get hurt."

"I will let you know if something happens. I am your partner. We have to depend on each other."

"Jill, I care about you and I don't want to see you hurting. You can always come and talk to me - I'll be strong for you."

"I know. I'm sorry for shutting you out. I was just embarrassed."

"It's okay. Let's get you dressed. You don't have the boys this weekend, right?"

"Yeah, they are staying at a friend's house - the McCombs."

"Why don't you come home with me? I'll take care of dinner. Later on tonight, your shoulder is gonna really hurt."

"I don't know."

"Come on - it will be fun. We can catch up. Plus, I don't want to be alone."

"Are you sure? I don't want to impose on you."

"You won't be."

"Okay." I can be spontaneous when I want to.

"Good, now put on some clothes. What would people say if they saw you standing in front of me in your bra while I asked you to come home with me?"

"They would say, you've got good taste. Now help me get into my blouse and lets get out of here." Diane helped me finish buttoning my blouse and carried my coat out with her.

******

Even though we are partners, I haven't spent much time with her socially. We are going to her place - that makes me a little nervous. Exposing myself physically and emotionally today brought feelings up that I haven't wanted to deal with. A mother of two shouldn't have to rethink her sexuality.

My feelings for her changed a while ago. Part of me wishes that she was asking me over for more than dinner.

I didn't tell anyone this but I talked with John about the feelings I've been having. He told me that he thought it was great that I was having feelings for someone again. I don't know what I expected him to say but he didn't judge me and he was supportive. It was a relief to tell someone. He told me that Diane is a great person and we would probably be good for each other. I'm not Bobby though.

******

As soon as we walk through the door, she turns and smiles at me.

"The phone is over there. I'm sure you want give the boys a call. I figured that's why you were so quiet in the car. Otherwise, I would have to assume you dislike my music selection."

"I'm sorry, Diane. I was just thinking about some things. I'll go call the boys. It shouldn't take that long."

"Hello."

"Hey Debbie, it's Jill. How are the boys doing?"

"You just missed them. David took everybody out for ice cream. Don't worry Jill, they are doing fine."

"I just wanted to call and let them know I'm thinking of them."

"I figured. I will tell them that you called when they get back."

"Have they been behaving themselves?"

"You are a wonderful mom, Jill. They've been great. Do you want them to call you at home?"

"I'm not at home."

"Where are you at exactly?"

"I'm at Detective Russell's house actually. We are going to have dinner."

"Oh Jill, I'm so happy for you. Did you tell her about your feelings yet?"

"No, I still haven't. I'm really nervous about this."

"Don't be - no matter what happens we will be here for you. From what you've told me, Diane sounds like she really cares about you. Jill, she could feel the same way about you. And if she doesn't - I'm sure she will take it in stride. Go get her Tiger!"

"Ha ha. This tiger is pretty nervous."

"She would be lucky to be with you. Go talk to her and have a good time. Call me later and let me know what happens. Goodbye detective - we all love you."

"Bye Deborah, I love you all too."

******

"So how are the boys doing?"

"They're doing okay. They just left to go out for ice cream."

"Well, have a seat. It's just you and me tonight."

I can do this.

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